F4F: LESSON 1 RE-CAP and LESSON 2: APPLY FINANCIAL GOALS TO YOUR VALUES

 I must discuss what happened last night at the WBW meeting. We had a decent session on calculating your net worth. I had handouts and gave everyone templates on how to build your own balance sheet (per household really). But the discussion that ensued from it came right back to VALUES and subscribing Financial Goals to your values.

This is the part most struggled with, so the best way for me to illustrate what I meant was to discuss my process from start to finish and hope you can apply it to yourself. It was a little daunting as I am a very private person. But when I actually opened up with my process, the feedback was overwhelmingly fantastic! So a big shout out and thank you to all the ladies at Tuesday night’s event.

With that being said, I will lay it out on this blog and hope for the best!

My five values are written on one side of a post-it note. My husband’s five values are written on the other side. It wasn’t as easy getting him to do this exercise but I wore him down, as I can be quite persistent, and we talked about it and gave each other our list in our first year of marriage. My post-it with both our values is kept in my wallet at all times. I’ve had it for 8 years now. My 5 values in no particular order are:

Marriage

Family

Personal Growth

Financial Independence

Health

My husbands 5 values are (with permission from him, of course!):

Health

Marriage

Family

Security

Independence

It’s important to know what your partner values so that both your goals are aligned. There will be some values you both share and some you don’t. By knowing them you can help each other stay on track and it’s easier to make decisions if you know it ultimately takes you as a couple/family closer towards both your values.

LESSON 1 COMPLETE.

Now we have the difficult part of attaching financial goals to all of these.  This part takes some thinking and digging and introspection. But fun and productive and has permanent benefits. I went about it like this:

Marriage

à 1 vacation a year before kids.

à After kids, 1 mini-vacation a year just the 2 of us.

à Date night once a month

Family

à 1-2 family vacations a year. (At least 1 will be with my parents/brothers’ and their families and we alternate by going to visit my in-laws who are in Europe/Asia/Australia)

à 1 mother/daughter weekend with my mom. (+ my daughter when she is older).

à Kids’ post-secondary education to be covered.

I want to iterate that the financial goal we give to each value is unique to us. It is important to me that if my children really want to go to a specific university program, that lack of money not be a barrier in them achieving that goal. If they work hard and get accepted; money won’t stand in the way.  

Health

à Eat well (Less restaurant. Cook more at home)

à Exercise regularly (Gym membership) and home gym set-up

à I hate debt, so the faster we pay off debt the better for my mental health.

Hope this helps give you some clarity on the exercise. Now you try it! By Lesson 3 we will be calculating our net worth to know where we are and how to get to fulfilling our goals and realizing our values.

F4F: LESSON 1: WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?

Welcome to the first ‘edition’ of F4F! I will do my best to compose this as a lesson plan. Together we will go through the necessary building blocks to create a cohesive and permanent financial system that we can all be proud of.

Let’s get started!

In order to make sure that this journey is the start of a lifestyle change and not just a phase, we have to think about the ‘end’ from the very beginning.  Not sure what the end is? Well, let’s begin by figuring that out. A method that has worked for me and for numerous others is that of making decisions that are aligned with your values.  

My grandfather used to tell us that Life is a sum total of all your decisions; if you don’t like your life you have to make new decisions. This is not just important; it is critical. It is critical because the regular practice of making decisions that are aligned with your values will lead you to a grounded happiness that fills you inside out. it will steer you the right way when you are super confused or torn. (Prominent writers like Stephen Covey, David Bach and Tony Robbins discuss this aspect in different ways in their literature).  I believe it is a fundamental stepping stone.  It is when we make decisions that deviate from our value system that we find ourselves climbing a ladder that we don’t find any fulfillment in once we reach the top.

Now that we know this, we have to very succinctly write down in black and white what our values are. This is Lesson #1.

Lesson #1:  START WITH YOUR VALUES

Your value system is essentially your moral code. These are things that define who you are or rather emulate the ideal version of you, according to YOU. These are things that are at the root of who you are as a person and without it, you would not be you. What is important to you? How do you want to be remembered? What is the legacy you want to leave behind?

Think of a time when you were most happy. And when I mean happy, I mean complete and utter unadulterated bliss. A time when you caught yourself being so happy that you said to yourself, “This is IT! This is what life is supposed to be about!” Can you picture it? Was it after you received some sort of an award? Or went heli-skiing in Austria? Maybe it was watching your kids run towards you screaming with glee as you came home from a business trip? Was it lying on a beach celebrating a girls’ weekend? Was it your wedding day? Or looking at old photos of your mom when she was your age and reminiscing with her over a cup of tea? They all sound good to me!

It can be any one memory or a bunch of different little moments where you lived that element of

bliss. Don’t censor any of them. This isn’t a judgment call. Just be true to yourself. Don’t feel guilty or panicked or anything else. OK?

Great! Now, hone in on that feeling and try to extract what value created that moment and feeling? Not sure what I mean? This might help. My attached ‘Value List’ is just that. It is an alphabetized list of values. There are way more values than in my list, so if after looking at them nothing seems appropriate it, then please google ‘value list’ or something close and you will find a slew of hits. You will find though that after you read the list, some will automatically pop out for you. And chances are these values are what you were living in that blissful memory that you just recounted for yourself! 

Let’s go over the memories I outlined above just to make sure:

> Presented an award: RECOGNITION

>Heli-skiing in Austria: ADVENTURE

>Watching your kids run towards you as you came home from a business trip: FAMILY

>Girls weekend at a beach: FRIENDSHIP

>Wedding day: MARRIAGE

>Reminiscing with mom: FAMILY

So, take those memories and try to find a value that describes it and jot it down. Then think of a few more values that round out your value system. I would recommend 4-5 as too many will divert the focus and just one is not sufficient. We are whole human beings and so we need fulfillment from different aspects in life. One seldom does it.

One memory however, can fulfill a bunch of different values. You don’t need separate ones for each of your values. Take the ‘winning the award’ memory as an example. If the award was for running a half-marathon, then perhaps the value is HEALTH as well. Or, maybe the award was for hitting the highest sales targets. Then maybe the value is ACCOMPLISHMENT or ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. Perhaps that same memory has nothing to do with RECOGNITION. Maybe you won the award for giving to a cause that you are passionate about and they thanked you for it. So perhaps the value then is ALTRUISM or CHARITY or BENEVOLENCE.

Play around with them and take the time to figure out your 4 or 5 values. This is one of THE most important things you should be doing. And with that being said, you should also have a lot of FUN with it! Dream and create scenarios in your head of how you want to be remembered. Stephen Covey does a really interesting exercise in his book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People’, where he asks the individual to write his/her own obituary…sort of. 

Ostensibly, it may sound a bit odd and perhaps even off-putting but the benefits of doing that particular exercise really does outweigh the costs.

PLEASE have your list ready and then we can move on to Lessons #2.

2 Different paths; which one to take?

Thanks for all the comments ladies and gents!

I am finding that there are two distinct flavours readers prefer.

The first has to do with discussing our values and dreams and then applying concrete exercises like making your own balance sheet and income statement to help realize those values and dreams. Where are we now and where do we want to be. By analyzing these financial statements to see where the money is going, we can now re-route and deploy the funds more effectively as well as pump up the revenues (via increased value proposition) and decrease the expenses (discuss necessities vs. luxuries).

Next comes creating a budget and strategizing ways to stay within it.  As women, we think about things differently. There are things we are good at so let’s take those skillsets and apply them to the world of investments. In fact, studies are showing that women actually make better investors (see Globe and Mail article from October 16, 2015, ‘Men are from Mars, women make better investors) because of our natural tendency to be modest, keep things simple and being very analytical and reflective.

The second path readers discussed was increasing our financial literacy. In other words, women want to know how to become more financially savvy. If we open the pages of the financial newspaper, what does all of it mean? Everything from definitions of ETF’s and dividends to RRSPs, RESP’s and TFSAs. Of course, fees would have to go in this section as well. And let’s not forget taxes! Ugh. I’ll admit it. Even I don’t like to talk about that…but I must I suppose.

One really great suggestion was to discuss how capital markets serve society and the factors that go into play that we should we aware of when wanting to be more active with our portfolio. This, along with the application of financial jargon to everyday analogies, should round out part 2.

The question now is, which fork in the road do I start with? The first suggestion of more broad-based values/dreams and concrete strategies or the second suggestion of understanding the markets better so there are more tools in the financial toolkit?

Your help with a new idea PLEASE.

I was recently asked to speak at an event for a Social Club called Women Building Wealth. I spoke about the Stock Market in a very general sense. What it is and how it works. I tried to make it general and non-specific but what I realised while talking to this group of very talented and energetic women is that certain parts worked really well and certain other parts did not.

The parts that seemed to resonate were the actual ‘take-aways’ or ‘homework’ type suggestions that I threw at them.  I asked them to think about their values and write them down on a piece of paper. Then I suggested ways in which money can help them live their values. This part worked well. Then came the part that didn’t; I started to define the stock market, what it is and how it works. I lost them when I went into the definitions and types of products that are available in the field of finance.

It dawned on me, that there was a big gap that I needed to bridge to go from the values part and how money plays into these values, to the stock market or general investment knowledge part. How does someone who does not live and breathe the markets everyday (like me) begin this very harrowing prospect? The acronyms in finance are bad enough, and that is just the beginning!

So I have an idea. I want to Make money make sense for everyone! Would this be a valuable read for you or anyone in your circle of concern?

I need you to suggest what you would want to know when it comes to your finances. Is it understanding stock jargon? Is it understanding how to figure out your net worth? Or maybe create a budget for yourself? Is it figuring out fees or tax implications?

Please help me!! Let me know via comments here or on twitter or on fb or via my personal email! Any and all suggestions help.

I will compile a table of contents and write them and publish on here first!

Thanks J

Book Review: New Rules of the Game – Susan Packard

If you’ve read any of my previous blogs you know that I often write about how books pick me to be read and not the other way around. Well a couple of months ago, I was perusing a local Indigo bookstore with my daughter and after she picked out a book, we went to the adult section as Mommy wanted a treat too!  With no particular topic in mind, I came across Susan Packard’s book, ‘New Rules of the Game’. The elegant and bold Queen Chess piece was staring at me, daring me to pick it up. And so I did. 

As a career-driven person, I’m always on the lookout for successful women and men, who are willing to share their stories because each one I read or listen to, irrespective of the field, helps me to understand myself better, my terrain, and the interaction of all these relationships.

The parallel of sports and business and how to transfer skill sets from the former to the latter is the crux of this book. There are so many overlays with sports and business that there are often water-cooler conversations about them. But to see the parallels succinctly laid out with examples, stories and an action plan tailored to a working woman, is what sets this book apart. 

The book eloquently articulates and reassures women that we don’t need to give up our femininity in order to rise up the ranks. If we strip out the emotion, think, train, and treat our workplace like a playing field where each day is game day, we can better navigate our career paths and move into leadership positions.

Ms. Packard is extremely candid.  She discusses a lot of the hypocrisies that exist, addresses them head on and offers strategies and tactics on how to stickhandle these issues. The book is filled with examples by numerous leaders, some of the sticky situations they were in and how they utilized their knowledge and gamesmanship to come out on top. 

I highly recommend this book to virtually anyone who cares about self-improvement and/or raising strong and mentally healthy children. There are so many take-aways, that you will need post-it notes and a highlighter!

I suppose in some small way my blog tries to achieve the same thing. My kittenheels are my go-to shoes because they are the perfect balance of femininity and pragmatism. It gives me the freedom to go in the direction of my dreams without having to go about it like one of the guys. We are different and we must be proud. We add a unique perspective that is rich and valuable. Let’s figure out the rules of the game, excel in it and then raise the bar!

A Lucky Girl

A lucky girl

It has been a rather turbulent few weeks. You know of Ro’s allergy diagnosis but hand in hand with that, my father went in for a double bypass (open heart surgery) which was totally unexpected and all at the same time! Not to worry, as the surgery went well but rehabilitation takes months and my Mum has been the primary caregiver to Dad post surgery; which is exacting a toll on her. They don’t want us to hire a nurse or caregiver so it’s been my mother who has been doing virtually everything since Dad’s surgery. Enter, Ste. Anne’s Spa.

Mum and I went for a couple of days, which was totally worth it! For her and also for me. I didn’t realize how badly I needed a break until we got to Grafton and I changed into my robe to wait for my massage.  

In all of this, two things I have learned. Well, I learned one new thing and been reminded of another. The reminder being that ‘when it rains it pours’.  When things go nuts, they really go nuts and when you’re on a good roll, it just keeps on going. 

Life experiences tend to trend. When work is stressful, you are sick, or your kids are sick or your parents are sick…or everyone is sick! And then the car breaks down and there is a crazy thunderstorm and your basement gets flooded.  Did I mention you also lost power in the house and everything in your fridge is rotting? Yes, that kind of nuts. It’s happened to us all right?! So the one thing I remind myself of in times like this is a quote I read on the cover of a card (the ones from Indigo/Chapters)…”if you’re going through hell, keep going…” because the flurry of nonsense will pass and hopefully at some point you will be far enough removed from it, to see the beauty in it and how it has changed you for the better.  I’m not there yet but have confidence I will be at some point.

The one thing I learned is that as we go through life, we can’t manage these things ourselves. We need help. My rock in all of this has been Raj. No word of a lie. I’m not one to brag about these things and put people on pedestals but man oh man, has he been an unsung hero in all of this mess. A quiet but firm support nudging me forward, holding me up and sometimes pulling me kicking and screaming. 

There have been others too: good friends, my brothers, my mother... all without whom I'd be utterly useless. But Raj has to deal with me ALL of the time, so he gets an entire paragraph :)

I am a lucky girl.