The city that never sleeps – a journey inside my mind and NYC

This past week I took my mother and daughter to New York City for a short girls’ holiday. We did the typical touristy stuff. Ate too much food, walked a lot and even saw the city via a hop-on and hop-off ferry. And I somehow managed to get a sunburn on the tip of my nose which is red, hot and super-sensitive right now!

New York City is like Toronto on crack. Take everything my wonderful city has and amp it up to the nth degree. Then add 2.5 times the current population density and another 2.5 times the construction and you start to get a feel of what I felt those few days. It was electric and intense. A fantastic mess. Kind of like…my mind.

I was in fact, walking the terrain of my brain.

A thousand different priorities going 100 miles a minute in completely different directions. All good intended priorities, some meandering, some with conviction, getting held up in massive gridlock. Is it sheer volume that is the hold-up or some other bigger obstacle that is the cause? Or perhaps it’s both. 

Sometimes there is a massive back-log somewhere deep inside, like a corrugated pipe underground that has burst, spewing all sorts of water and garbage onto the road. Other times it’s the re-surfacing of the other buildings and ideas that are juxtaposed to the traffic. A collision of what is important versus what is urgent. You need to man the traffic flow and let everyone and everything take its course, which slows everything down.  But, there is no other alternative, is there?

It’s important and fascinating to be able to step out of your head and watch your mind work. Because the mind unleashed and unsupervised can become its own machine; its own loud, crowded, metropolis that may or may not have any meaning.

The detachment from your thoughts, as temporary as it may be, is critical to not burning out or breaking down. This I know. I know this because I lived it and have been witness to it over the past week (thanks in part to a mindfulness/meditation class I attended this week).

I love New York City, as I love my mind. But you have to step outside of it all in order to breathe, forgive, gauge, direct and figure out the journey you want to take. I’m trying. It’s all any of us can do right?  

How Feminism helps men, women and children

There is a movement. 

It is the metamorphosis of Family. This quiet revolution is becoming less quiet and more pronounced and men and women in my generation are waking up to the fact that we want different things than the generation before and it isn’t as easy as realising as we believe it should be.

Take this word; Feminism. This isn’t just a word for females. This isn’t just something women are trying to build inertia on. This is a real-life urgent and important concept in order to move the frozen needle on equal rights for women, men and children. For families.

This past week I have had 2 separate conversations with professional men who have been marginally and not so marginally ostracized for prioritizing their families ahead of their careers. For one it was a temporary thing where his child was sick and he elected to stay home instead of his wife, which is usually what happens. And the second is of a man who chose to share parental leave with this wife; a move that was deemed ‘career limiting’ by one of his direct managers. I find these stories are getting more and more common.

For every woman who has chosen to take the charge in the professional  arena, there is a man who if given the opportunity would choose to be the primary caregiver or even take a step back from their careers and focus on family. Sometimes, we don’t have extended family members we can count on to back us up when the children are too small to take care of themselves, so juggling between work and family becomes a game of ping-pong and the family has to figure it out themselves without being bullied into certain stereotypes.

It is a fundamental right to be able to choose. And when an institution, laws or a person, limits that choice, it makes us feel stuck, unappreciated and looking for alternatives. 

It’s a shame. Countries, companies and bosses have so much more to gain in the form of higher productivity, loyalty and increase in profits, if they weren't so short-sighted.

March Madness: A Rant more than anything…

 For some, March Madness is about indulging your love for basketball. For me, it has been a string of head-turning health issues and shocking and surprising unraveling of events. It’s too much to mention in a short blog, and nothing that is detrimental in any way (so you can sigh now! Whew!), but suffice it to say that March isn’t quite over yet, so I still have time to see how the rest of the next 11 days unfold.

I was planning to do a piece on International Women’s Day and what it means and how I was thinking to move forward, but all that seems like something I will eventually get to, once all the pressing things NOW are calling for my attention. This is ultimately the thing isn’t it? The perpetual fight over what is urgent vs. what is important. It’s very easy to sit back and philosophize over what intellectually would be the right course of action (importance over urgent, no doubt!) but in reality, the urgent stuff sneaks up on you in a way that only mould knows how. And before you know it, you have all these things to tend to.

Or, it isn’t always easy to decipher if this urgent thing is also important or not? Perhaps it is and if you ignore it, are you ignoring some other bigger message? So do you do it, to be safe? But if you keep doing these urgent things and are constantly just reacting, there is a huge opportunity cost associated with that as well, no?

Now enter Emotion and Politics.  Ugh and bleh!

I am a lifetime member of the sandwich generation. Are you? Sandwiched between caregiving for parents and children. Sandwiched between the lifestyle and world I was born into (India) and the life I am creating since having come to Canada (25+ years now…) and sandwiched between the feminine balance of modesty and confidence/aggressiveness. 

In order to succeed, I have to be deliberate, conscious, positive and thoughtful.

And to help me do and be all these things, I have 2 things going for me. One, there’s an Oprah and Deepak’s meditation journey that starts tomorrow for free and runs for 21 days (yay! Perfect timing) and two, I won’t give up.

Other than that, I’ll write back with a post-op recovery in April. Wish me luck!

Personal Income Statement - Finally!!

My first post from out of town. Thank you technology! I needed some time but finally I have put together the income statement that you can pretty much replicate and keep with you in your files for a really really long time. Or at the very least, it's a starting point!

I've bucketed them for simplicity's sake and I have also noted things that I think are high, medium or low in terms of importance (high = these are 'expenses' you want to keep as they help you; low = expenses you definitely want to try to minimize and even try to eliminate). Some expenses are inevitable.

I've thought a lot about the best way to share this information and I really hope this works. But I really want to know if it doesn't. And if it doesn't, what would make it better? Please please tell me because I do want this to be useful.

I know some of you have asked me to do seminars or classes to teach this stuff and I will at some point (still putting together lesson plans here...and very slowly at that!!). I'm hoping any input from these visits will help me to craft a better syllabus/book that I can actually publish and make part of my class.

So use this link and create an Income Statement for your home. And remember,
Revenues - Expenses = Net Income

If you have any questions, please ask me. More than happy to help :)



https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14h6CpvKNr6fQlMykjpxjdRo_8i1lFhL3v3xmIYHA6fo/edit?usp=sharing

Hello 2016! Create memories and Fulfill dreams!

Sunday January 3, 2016

As the first entry of 2016, I am at a loss for what I should be writing about here. Reflect on 2015 or discuss my dreams for 2016? Gratitude is important but so is goal setting. There seems to be a definite ying and yang quality to all of this. An internal tug-of-war.

Perhaps, it’s important to stew all memories and dreams in one big pot and keep the flame underneath blue and bright.  In order for me to have wonderful memories that I can look back on fondly, I must create them first, right? And if I follow my dreams/goals, then that should create the aforementioned memories?

So where to begin? Baby steps is the only way I’m going to be able to do this. Otherwise, it seems too daunting. Work on at least 1 of my 5 values everyday in some way. So, Family, Health, Marriage, Independence, Personal Growth.

- Learn everyday at work. – Should be easy to do; markets love teaching me.

- Spend time at gym and pre-planning meals

- Take turns between 1 on 1 with different family members and entire family gatherings.

- Date nights/trips with Raj

- Write more

- Build-out F4F into a real, comprehensive corporation

- Make time for friends and acquaintances

- Sleep well

- Meditate and/or Pray

- Read books

- Smile

So plan is to do as many of the above everyday for the next 363 days. Why don’t you do one and share it as well. It’ll keep us all motivated!

Last Entry of 2015

It’s been a month since my last entry so I must apologize. I'm sorry. The truth is, it’s been quite a crazy roller-coaster ride of a month and I’m only now able to discuss it. 

It started with a call one late Sunday night/Monday morning from my brother who just got off the phone with a Doctor in India. Why India? Well, my parents decided to go for an extended trip to Japan and India for 4 months! They left this past August and were due to come back before Christmas.  My mother, had fallen so ill, with an infection, that the Doctors there weren’t sure if she was going to make it. 

It was sudden, shocking and surreal all at the same time.  There was no warning whatsoever; I was not ready for this at all. Not now. Not like this. Then things started to unravel quite quickly so both my brothers and I decided to take the earliest flight out we could to be in India as soon as possible. We wanted to bring her back of course; but we had to brace ourselves for the fact that we may not be that lucky. We even had a very painful and honest conversation with my daughter and nephew that they may never see Grandma again. Try having a conversation on death and dying with a couple of 6 year olds. Quite possibly one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do. But it had to be done because it would be cheating if we didn’t and then had to tell them upon our return. Plus, my daughter had seen me spontaneously burst into tears a couple of times already. I wasn’t going to be able to cover this one up. And frankly, I didn’t have the energy to try.

We left promptly upon getting our visas (Tuesday evening) and landed in Kolkata early Thursday morning, with no clue what to expect. Our trip in India lasted 4 and a half days and in that time my mother’s condition and status on her condition changed almost hourly. But she did survive both surgeries and was making a turn for the better. Thank God for my older brother, because he was able to navigate us through the dark, sinewy maze of obscure medical reports and private hospital motivations and conversations. Since he is the doctor in the family, I was telling him that one of the 4 kids of the next generation had to become a physician as well.  It makes a huge difference to have someone who knows this stuff at your side. I don’t know that I would’ve been able to make it otherwise.

Now, we are all home, safe and sound. The entire family spent Christmas together and we will all be here to ring in the New Year!

Wishing you and yours a safe, healthy and happy 2016.

F4F: Calculating your Net Worth

F4F

 Lesson 3: Calculating your net worth
Net Worth Statement Template

I’ve attached an excel-based template (see link above "Net Worth Statement template") which has a net worth statement and an accompanying schedule. Take the time and use it to figure out in your local currency what your net worth is.

This is super important, because if you don’t know where you stand now you won’t know how to manoeuvre yourself to hit your goals and live your values. In fact, the sooner you know and start working towards your goals, you are already living your values because you are de-facto doing things and making decisions that are consistent with your values. 

Remember your net worth statement is a financial picture of one moment in time. As of the time you are preparing your household net worth statement (now), what is the market value of all your assets, and your outstanding liabilities? The net of these two figures is your net worth. For some it’s positive and for some it’s negative. Don’t get too disappointed if it’s negative or lower than where you thought it would or should be. Awareness is key. Now that you know, you can plan towards a better snapshot for tomorrow and next month and next year. Tony Robbins aptly puts it in his latest book, “(Humans) often overestimate what we can do in 1 year and underestimate what we can do in 10 (years)”. This is an evolution. Don’t be hasty. 

How do I increase my net worth?

Simply put, if you hike your assets and or drop your liabilities, you will improve your net worth. 

This number is worth a thousand words. It’s your starting point and it’s a point you can monitor and track over the course of time. 

- You will be able to make decisions faster because you will know immediately if a certain purchasing decision increases your decreases your net worth.  

- You will be more focused on eliminating your debt and accumulating assets. 

- You will discuss as a family which routes to take to propel your forward. All really excellent standards of behaviour. 

So please take some time and put pen to paper. Figure out this number. Then we have one more exercise; figuring out our monthly income and expenses. With these 2 things, we can work towards a comprehensive financial plan!