The triple threat when you really want something ladies…or gents for that matter…is something I stumbled across over the past 12 months. Faith, will and action. Case in point, my almost 3 month old son. Up until last year when I got sick (shingles) I didn’t really consider myself as unhealthy as far as having another child was concerned. We have a beautiful baby girl and both Raj (my husband) and I wanted a second but we weren’t sure when exactly. We figured we’d let nature take its course and if we did, great. Now I’m not very free willy about these things so although I said it and agreed to it, in the back of my mind there was a very conscious clock ticking. I didn’t want the age gap between the two to be too wide or too narrow. We tried for a better part of a year I’d say and nothing happened. Then when I got shingles I was really happy that nothing happened. I couldn’t imagine being pregnant and having shingles all at the same time. So once I got better I resolved to get myself in as best condition as I could to ‘house’ a baby for 9 months. I ate half of what I normally eat, exercised and got the help of my endocrinologist and within 3 months I dropped 12 pounds and was expecting! Didn’t quite think it would happen that fast but it did.
At first I was going to write hope, not faith, but the fact is it was actually faith. I figured if I did the best I could and I still couldn’t get pregnant then it wasn’t meant to be. I’d be sad as hell of course and there’d be times I’d wonder why I wasn’t capable of something that ought to be so simple (and I know logically it isn’t but when you’re feeling sorry for yourself it is!) but I maintain that there is always a reason for things turning out a certain way. Remember in one of my posts I wrote that I am a collector of quotes and sayings? Well, there’s one that sticks with me through thick and thin…”The world is conspiring in your favour”. I firmly believe that and I think if you believe it, it will come true. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. And that in a nutshell is faith isn’t it? You aren’t sure of the outcome; you may not even know what kind of outcome you want. But you do know that however things unfold it will be for the best. Whereas hope has a definite outcome that you want realised. And boy, did I ever need hope a few months into the pregnancy. That story for another day.
It’s funny, as I re-read this it’s as if the journey was short and sweet. It only took two paragraphs to sum up the tough few months that I had to live through? I guess so.